Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
