i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
