Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize