There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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