And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My feet surprised me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
