Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
