wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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