i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
