hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
