Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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