Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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