Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
