You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
