Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
