went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
