mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
