True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
