I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
