So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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