Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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