You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize