turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
