we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize