we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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