Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
