there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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