you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You took a bar mat shot.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
