Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
