Don't make out with my wife yet
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
