You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
