He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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