So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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