I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
