I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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