Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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