The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
