Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
