I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
