Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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