Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
