why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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