the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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