Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
