Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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