I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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