So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
