i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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