Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You were trust falling into bushes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
