I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
