Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
