Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
