Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
