I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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