so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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