I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
