The maid of honor just puked.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wish my penis had a tongue
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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