Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
