apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize