Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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