just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize