At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
