Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
