her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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