is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
