Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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