Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
