Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize