Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
