You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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