ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
