How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
