Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
