Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
