Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I will pee on everything he values.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
