come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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