please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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