Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
