How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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