We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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