Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
