3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
